Practice Acceptance

Your practice has sent you soaring, but your partner is holding you back. Practice acceptance and you'll live happily ever after.

By Meagan Francis

Lean on Your Yleaoga

Your partner may grow to appreciate the changes your practice creates in you, even if he or she doesn't share your beliefs. Holly Case, a 31-year-old mother of three in Auburn, Michigan, noticed this happening with Jason, her husband of 11 years, as she deepened her own yoga practice. "He was skeptical at first. He teased me about it, saying it was for New Age hippies," she says. "He thought it was a little silly." But as Case began to benefit from the emotional, spiritual, and physical changes she was experiencing, she found that it changed her relationship for the better—and that Jason noticed and appreciated the changes as well.

"If I seem really stressed out, he even suggests I do yoga because it has such a profound impact on my mood!" Case says. And, she adds, the patience she's learned on the mat has helped her get a handle on her reactions instead of blurting out something that might cause a fight. "Yoga has given me more patience, and I'm less likely to say something unkind when I'm upset."

Case says her study of the Yoga Sutra and specifically the practice of satya (truthfulness), has helped her realize when she was inadvertently undermining her relationship by being less than truthful with Jason. "When we were first married, I just left out details when there was something I didn't want him to know. I didn't realize that doing so was a form of dishonesty. As a result of meditation and reflection during my yoga practice, I saw that omission of facts was just as detrimental to our relationship, and I started telling the whole truth, which made me more aware of which things I would once have tried to hide from him, like spending money."

You Can Change Only Yourself

As anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows, it's easy to blame your "other half" when you're not happy with your own life, or when you feel disconnected from your deeper self. But the choice to change or tap into your spiritual side still belongs to you. It can be difficult to recognize and acknowledge shortcomings in ourselves, but one of the pluses of most spiritual paths is that they help us become more self-aware.

"Yoga can show us that how we relate to ourselves is an indicator of how we relate to others," Lee says. "I think sometimes, depending on how they've interpreted different teachings, people get the idea that yoga is a goal. But in reality, it gives you tools for your life—it's not a guarantee of happiness."

Lee notes that people are often shocked to learn that her husband, who she's been with for 11 years, doesn't practice yoga-and for the most part, it doesn't bother her a bit. "I've been on yoga retreats and there are couples there, and a part of me will think that's cool, but the other part of me doesn't really care. It's my thing, and I like that it's my thing," she says. She admits that there are a few small challenges in their relationship, like differences in diet—"He eats whatever he wants!"—but in the long run, "you'd be kidding yourself if you think if you get a yoga spouse it's going to be all that different. You're still you and all you can work on is you."

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