Gift Rapt

Practicing generosity not only makes you feel good but connects you with the essence of who you really are.

By Sally Kempton

True Generosity

Yet beyond passionate generosity is something I'd call pure generosity, or natural generosity—generosity that doesn't have to wait for passion, that doesn't save itself for special occasions, and that doesn't make a big deal out of giving.

I identify natural or pure generosity by three signs. First, it arises from a sense of rightness strong enough to take you past your ego's comfort zone. Often, there's a feeling of inspiration behind it; one of my teachers, Gurumayi, used to say that true generosity is a movement of the life force itself. The most generous people I've met offer without thinking about it, much the same way nature offers. I once asked my friend Ruth, whose generosity is iconic, what goes through her mind when she gives. She looked puzzled, and then said, "Nothing. It just happens."

Second, pure generosity is balanced, free from compulsion, and appropriate. It neither bankrupts you nor weakens the recipient. Third, pure generosity contains no regret. Recently, a friend admired a piece of jewelry that I was wearing, and so I took it off and gave it to her. Two minutes later, I was sorry. I loved that pendant. I knew I'd never get another one like it. Confronting my giver's remorse, I realized that I was experiencing the age-old battle between generosity and its opposite—avarice—and that my generosity, in that instance, was far from perfect.

However, even when being generous feels forced, even at times when giving your time or money feels about as attractive as getting into a cold shower, you can still do it as a practice. Even imperfect generosity is beneficial. Being generous transforms us, which means that the more we do it, the better we get at it, just as practice improves our meditation or our tennis serve or our social skills.

Despite missing my pendant for a few hours, I'm still glad my friend has it and glad I was able to offer it before second thoughts kicked in. I've noticed that every time I give away something I'm attached to, I get a little further beyond the tendency to hang on to things. Practicing generosity is an antidote not only to basic selfishness but also to a fear of loss.

The practice of generosity confronts us on several levels. It tests our trust in abundance. It tests our ability to empathize with others. And finally, it calls us on our sense of separation. The more "different" we feel from other people, the harder it will be to give freely. The more we recognize that we are one and that other people's happiness is as important as ours, the more easily we can offer what we have. At the same time, acting generously strengthens our feeling of connectedness to the rest of the world. That's the true fruit of practicing generosity. Sooner or later, it will give us the insight that giving to others is really giving to ourselves—because in truth there is no other.

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