The Truth about Tantra

Promising physical and spiritual ecstasy, Tantra workshops lure couples who want more from their relationships. But what really goes on?

By Todd Jones

A key to fully awakening a woman's sexuality, the Muirs say, is loving massage of the "sacred spot," a region of highly sensitive tissue located about two inches up the front wall of the vagina. (In Western sexology, this is the "G-spot," named for Ernst Grafenberg, the gynecologist who first described it in Western medical literature.) But along with previously unknown pleasures, sacred spot massage can also unleash memories of sexual confusion, repression, pain, and abuse. We don't just store such memories in our minds, but in our bodies—and especially in the tissues around our second chakra (the genital region), which Tantra regards as the wellspring of our energy. The pain surrounding these memories must be addressed and released, the Muirs believe, before we can experience all the joy of unfettered sexual energy.

The Muirs stress that sacred spot massage should never be undertaken with the goal of orgasmic fireworks. Instead, they say, sacred spot massage should be viewed as a process that invites a couple into ever greater vulnerability, trust, intimacy, and caring. "Orgasms are part of a natural flow of events," says Charles. "Don't go after orgasms, but let them be signposts on the road to sexual wholeness." The Muirs devote hours of instruction to ensure that their students learn how to use sacred spot massage to integrate the emotional experience of loving connection with the passion of sexual arousal.

But once Charles takes the men off for their separate class, he concentrates on preparing them to serve as sexual healers. First, he coaches each man to honor his partner by making the whole evening a feast for her senses: Tidy and decorate the room. Build a fire. Gather flowers. Dress up. Prepare a special treat of food or drink. Draw her a bath. Give her a massage. Then, he urges, tell her the things you appreciate and love most about her. "Don't hesitate to invite God—whatever meaning that may have for you—into the bedroom," Charles tells them with a little grin as he sets up his punch line: "It makes for the best threesome!"

Most of all, Charles prepares each man to give his partner concentrated, loving attention—to remain present with whatever emotional experience comes up for her. "Real presence is far more important than physical technique," he assures the men. "Get out of your head and into your heart. If difficult emotional stuff comes up for her, it's not just her stuff; it belongs to both of you." Charles encourages the men to approach the whole evening as a sacred meditation, an exercise in empathy: "Make the evening a peace offering to your woman and to the collective womanhood of humanity, a healing for every woman who's ever been raped or molested or demeaned in any way."

Before sending the men and women off for their "homeplay," Charles offers them some predictions. "For many of you," he promises, "this will be the most important night of your life. About 25 percent of couples have ecstatic experiences in sacred spot massage; about 25 percent encounter mostly shadow residues of old experiences that need to be released; and the remaining half have a mixed experience."

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