Relationship with Money

I once heard yoga teacher Eddie Modestini tell a class, “If you don’t become conscious of your blind spots, your practice will never change.” What’s true of your asana practice is also true of your relationship with money. So you are wise to want to address financial differences before making a long-term commitment. More than half of divorcing couples cite money as a leading cause of their conflicts.

How we relate to money is largely unconscious, which is why people have difficulty changing their behavior in meaningful and lasting ways. You and your partner both need to get an understanding of why he or she is financially unstable.

Looking within can help the two of you understand how your mental structures have created your financial lives. Talking about what you discover through self-study is key to the health of your relationship and your finances.

Brent Kessel, the cofounder of Abacus Portfolios, is the author of It’s Not About the Money, published by HarperOne. Submit your question to