I had mixed feelings about seeing New York City again as the first stop on the 2017 Live Be Yoga Tour. It’s been so long, and we didn't exactly leave each other on good terms. New York and I had a tumultuous five-year relationship that ended abruptly when I told her I wanted to see other cities. That conversation ended with me packing my things and leaving her in my taillights for a younger, albeit more shallow, ingenue on the West Coast.
OK, so tumultuous may not be the best word. The first four and a half years were magical. We spent every day together, through good weather and bad. But those last six months … those were some trying times. As with many relationships, her quirks and baggage that used to be adorable began to annoy me. Her inexhaustible frenetic energy started to wear me out. I began to need a few days away from her here and there just to recharge. But maybe I was asking too much of her? Maybe we were too different? New York was beautiful, raucous, and fiercely independent, all of which I was proud of, but in the end I guess I just wanted to feel like she needed me as much as I needed her. And New York never needed me. So we parted ways.
And now we're finally seeing each other again. It seemed like the decent thing to do. After all, I was in the area for some yoga events and, quite frankly, she would have seen it on Instagram anyway, so I figured we should meet up. You know, catch up.
Honestly, I think the thought that scared me the most was, what if I wanted her back? There were so many times after we went our separate ways that I reminisced about our five years together and only remembered the great times, the best times. I had to remind myself that they weren't all like that. That there were reasons, good ones, for why we didn’t work.
But it was fine.
We met up. Just a quick 7 days and it was fine. It was great to see her, actually. She’s changed some, but still as beautiful as ever, and clearly doing well. But that spark wasn’t there, and I’m grateful for that. I didn’t need to worry. I’ll always admire her tenacity and her moxie. I’d like to think she gave some of it to me for when I would need it later in life. Seeing each other now, I'm amazed we lasted as long as we did. We’re just so different. And truth be told, I suppose we mean different things to each other now than we did all those years ago. As awkward as I thought it would be, I’m very glad we got to see each other again. It brought a sort of closure to what was still an open chapter in my heart. It reassured me that I made the right choice, as many times as I would question that decision later on. New York will always be part of my life, and that makes me happy. Next time I’m in the neighborhood, I won’t be afraid to reach out and send a little love her way.