I Convinced My Girlfriend to Try Yoga for One Week. Here's What Happened.

In Yoga Journal’s Archives series, we share a curated collection of articles originally published in past issues beginning in 1975. These stories offer a glimpse into how yoga was interpreted, written about, and practiced throughout the years. This article first appeared in Yoga Journal in 2016. Find more of our Archives here.

On the list of things my girlfriend likes to do, yoga falls somewhere beneath scrubbing her kitchen floor and somewhere above listening to me explain Game of Thrones. Kate (an alias since my girlfriend agreed to this experiment only if I kept her anonymous) has tried yoga a few times and recognizes the physical benefits although it’s not exactly something she gets overly excited about. She’s a science-minded person who looks at the world through an analytical lens. When the yoga classes she’s taken have turned philosophical, she thinks the practice is too hippy and woo-woo.

Having practiced yoga for more than 10 years, I was optimistic that I could find the right algorithm of style, studio, and teacher that she would actually like. Don’t get me wrong—I wasn’t expecting us to become that couple that goes to partner yoga retreats. I just wanted her to get a glimpse of what I love about the practice and maybe benefit from it herself.

“It’ll be like a science experiment,” I told her, trying to sell it in a way that appealed to her. “There’s a hypothesis and we’re going to test it by changing some of the variables.”

“Oh please,” she said, calling me on my bullshit, as she does all too well. After steady persistence, though, she finally relented and agreed to my terms. One week, six classes, zero pressure, and honest feedback.

“Are there questions I should be thinking about during class? Is there an outline for the article or is it intentional to keep me in the dark?” Kate asked. I told her the only thing she needed to do was show up.

Class 1: Hot Yoga

I chose this first class to ease Kate into our experiment. It was active and led by a playful teacher who added small bursts of yogic insight to her instruction. As we drove to class, Kate informed me of a rule: I could not roll my mat out next to hers. She told me she didn’t want me watching her. It was her way of remaining anonymous.

I still watched her in the front wall mirror. About 30 minutes into the class, I saw her confidently holding Dancer Pose. A few minutes later, she moved easily into a tricky bind. I wasn’t surprised as Kate is strong and flexible. At weddings, she’s been known to pull out Side Crow on the dance floor, a move she calls “breakdancing.”

Class 2: Restorative Yoga

I knew the next class would make Kate uneasy. It was slow and led by an eccentric instructor who uses phrases like “unleashing the fire from your soul.” I also knew the studio, decorated with prayer flags and a giant Buddha, would cause Kate to cringe.

Constant motion is Kate’s preferred state and when she was forced to sit and listen to the instructor talk about growing into our true nature, I could feel her discomfort. We moved in long, silent stretches of restorative poses, and I caught a “why-did-you-bring-me-here” glance as she struggled to remain still with her thoughts. So I did what any guy would do and avoided further eye contact.

When the class was over, she gathered her things and left quickly. “If I only have an hour to work out, I’m not going to a class like this,” she said. “All I could think about was how many dirty faces had been on the bolster I used.”

I considered the class a failed attempt. But when we talked the next day, she mentioned that her hips felt more open, which surprised her in a good way. She also said that during a long moment of silence, she began to listen to her heartbeat. It was loud and she thought about the mechanics of her heart pumping blood through her body. “I had this feeling of being alive,” she said.

Class 3: Hatha Yoga

Our next class was in a small studio tucked into the corner of a strip mall. When Kate arrived, she smiled and unrolled her mat next to mine, violating her previous “I need space” rule.

The class focused on the mechanics of each pose as we moved through a series of deep stretches, which I knew was going to be more up Kate’s alley. “I like the challenge of balancing and I like when I can do it,” she said. Full disclosure: I also promised her a takeout meal from Whole Foods Market after class.

Class 4: Power Yoga

I scheduled our next class at a fitness-based studio that reinforces yoga as exercise. Through my side glances, it seemed like Kate was concentrating on herself as we moved through the fast-paced flow. Later, she told me that she was zoning in on parts of her body holding tension and trying to release it. She was starting to embrace the connection between the physical and mental in yoga. Was her resistance starting to crack?

During the class, the instructor talked about quieting the chatter in our minds and not getting fixated on trying to understand the “why” of everything. Perfect, I thought. This speaks directly to Kate. When I asked her later if what the instructor had said resonated, she replied, “I wasn’t listening. I sweated and my muscles felt like they got a workout.”

Class 5: Level 2 Vinyasa

Kate’s friend Meghan suggested we come over Friday night and go with her to a Saturday morning class at a popular studio. When we arrived at Meghan’s, we were greeted with a glass of wine, which turned into a few more glasses with dinner, which led to opening another bottle. The next morning was a little rough.

Not surprisingly, Kate tried to negotiate her way out of attending class, but Meghan and I laid on the peer pressure and convinced her to go. The moment we walked into the overcrowded class, I feared Kate was going to kill me. About 15 minutes in, the instructor noticed Kate slipping on her new mat. He came over to help, but she suddenly lost her grip and belly-flopped. She left the class under the guise of getting a different mat and never returned.

Meghan and I stayed until the end and found Kate sleeping in the back seat of the car. She was quiet the rest of the morning and simmered in a mix of being angry, embarrassed, and hungover. I thought for sure that any progress I’d made had been lost.

Class 6: All-Levels Flow

Kate recovered from Saturday in time for class the next day, but I sensed that she was ready for this experiment to be over. I opted to take her to a vinyasa flow class at a smaller studio that marketed itself as a “healing sanctuary.”

I instantly regretted my decision to come here. The instructor launched into a lengthy pre-class dharma chat about deities, mothers, and chakras that was followed by singing and chanting. Then things shifted as we picked up the pace. I glanced over at Kate and she appeared in-tune with the teacher’s verbal cues. Seeing this allowed me to let go of my negative thoughts and sink into my own practice.

When we walked out to leave, Kate said she liked the instructor’s comment about being okay with where you were in your practice in each moment. “This is the first class where I understood the pattern of breathing with certain poses,” she explained. Kate seemed calm, comfortable, and happy.

Results and Conclusion

Did this experience change Kate’s attitude toward yoga? Maybe a little.

She said she liked how she felt after a vigorous class and talked about integrating it into her exercise routine. Note to self and others trying to get their significant other to like yoga: Choose your classes wisely, give your partner space, and consider a little reward afterward.

But I’ve been rethinking what I was trying to accomplish with this experiment. The entire week, I was so worried about Kate’s experience that I was never fully present myself. Besides, my yoga is not her yoga. If she decides to stay with yoga, Kate will find what is right and resonates for her. She always does. But I couldn’t control her experience. And there was no need to push her down a path that was based on what I thought was right.

We will probably eventually do yoga together again—although something tells me we will never be one of those couples who hold hands during Savasana. And that’s okay. I just appreciate that she showed up. That, in itself, is enough.

This article has been updated. Originally published September 14, 2016.