Why I’m Grateful I Did My Yoga Teacher Training

When I was in my mid-20s, I had a different outlook on almost everything. I wanted to be married with a big ring. I wanted an expensive car, fancy clothes, and a nice house. I would only dine in the trendiest restaurants and stay at the poshest of hotels. I thought life was about how you looked and how much you acquired. I believed if I could have all the right material goods or look a certain way, I would be happy.

But I wasn’t happy. I was miserable.

I lived with chronic anxiety and panic attacks. I was mean to myself and to others. I was incredibly judgmental and shallow. I hated my job, lived for Friday at 6 p.m., and dreaded Monday morning. I hated the way I looked, I hated how my body felt. I tied myself to a relationship that was not healthy for myself or for my significant other.

I knew deep down that something wasn’t right, but I had absolutely no idea how to make things better.

3 Reasons I’m Grateful for My Yoga Teacher Training

In one of those “I have no idea where that came from” moments, I signed up to do my yoga teacher training (YTT). That one choice, and the hundreds more that it inspired afterward, changed my life.

The decision to take the training and the choices that followed were hard and scary. Who would I be without all of those things I thought I needed? What would my life look like? I surrendered, not without a fight, but eventually I surrendered to what I must do. I knew I must let go of all that I thought to become all that I am.

1. It Taught Me to Live Authentically

Writer Joseph Campbell has a quote that I love: “You will learn to continue to die.” That’s exactly what YTT reaffirmed for me. I was practicing tapas, which means that I was choosing to do the hard work because the outcome on the other side was one of less suffering.

I left my career and my relationship and made other choices that felt terrifying at the time. But with each decision came a bit more clarity. I was stripping away the patterns that were causing me pain and becoming more and more content with who I am. I was dying over and over and being reborn as a softer, kinder, gentler, and more at ease version of myself.

2. It Made Me Realize What I Truly Need to Be Happy

It’s been 10 years since I did my YTT. I now teach yoga full-time around the world—and absolutely love it. I don’t think of it as a job. It feels like a purpose. I have amazing friends who support me. I love people. I am no longer plagued by anxiety, body issues or unhealthy relationships. I live in a nice home and still love nice clothes but I no longer believe they are responsible for my happiness.

3. It Showed Me That I Am a Work-in-Progress

I am not done transforming. I get up every single day and work on myself to release even more patterns that cause suffering. Although the work continues, today, I am clear, present, and content.

I am grateful for 26 year-old Alex. I do not look back at her with sadness or pity or shame. I look back at her with complete gratitude. She has taught me a lot. Without her, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

This article has been updated. Originally published November 16th, 2014.